I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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