i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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