the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
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But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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