I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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