hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
