I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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