my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
