Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize