I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
