I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just pynch a tree in the face
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
