More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
