Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
