I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
