I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
