there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
