If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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