i can't believe i had my finger in that
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?