honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
