awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes