I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
