I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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