i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
