I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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