Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
