yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
