who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
