Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
