I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
