Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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