Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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