Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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