ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
