That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
