Your face is a jimmy john
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize