Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she told me i tasted like america
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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