Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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