I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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