i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
