I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
