I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
