I think i peed on brittanys purse
Barsexuality is the new black.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
