Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
