Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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