Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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