its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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