o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
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If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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