the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize