sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
