Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
