Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize