cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
