There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
