is your mom at the bar?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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