I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize