Screwed.edu
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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