You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
