I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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