five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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