there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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