she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
