"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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