This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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