Moan for me like Helen Keller
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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