I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
